"Thrown away 10 years of my life to prevent inevitable" Read the full letter
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Letter ReferenceHRC/CAT/OS/4b-viii
ArchiveHarry Ransom Center, University of Texas, Austin
Epistolary TypeLetter
Letter Date22 November 1890
Address FromMatjesfontein, Western Cape
Address To
Who ToHavelock Ellis
Other VersionsCronwright-Schreiner 1924: 200; Draznin 1992: 470-1
PermissionsPlease read before using or citing this transcription
Legend
The Project is grateful to the Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center, the University of Texas at Austin, for kindly allowing us to transcribe this Olive Schreiner letter, which is part of its Manuscript Collections. The address this letter was sent to is provided by the associated envelope. The end of the letter is missing.
1Matjesfontein
2Nov 22 / 90
3
4My Havelock,
5
6You write me much more kind letters ?that than you did at first. Thank
7you. I am very well & happy here in my solitude, but sometimes my
8heart goes out very much to you. I wish you could be here with me,
9dear dear one. It would be so beautiful Thank you for not laughing at
10me about what I told you. You know a person can’t help these strange
11attractions. It was like I felt to Alice Corthorn the first time I saw
12her; those feelings never mislead one. The person may not be great or
13beautiful, or good, but they are native to you. It’s so wonderful how
14one’s first impressions always come true.
15
16I am glad its nice at that place in the country Don’t be troubled dear,
17 about the American matter, its all right any way. I hope Roberts
18won’t think that after the advantage of the proof sheets is over he
19has still to give half to Unwin?? Will he dear? But any how I don’t
20mind. I take all things easily now, when I look up at this blue sky &
21those beautiful bare stone hills I feel everything is all right. I am
22so happy dear, since I came here. Never ?wan, never troubled about
23anything.
24
25I am getting on with my work, well, but still you know I wish I could
26be married to every one, love everyone. Do you know what I mean. I
27shall always have to stay single because marriage would tie down my
28sympathies unless it was a very great personality I was tie to.
29
30Don’t let anything I said of Edith Lees prejudice you against her. I
31saw her once a long way off, & liked her very much, felt she was true.
32
33Dear, if I could be jealous of any one, it would be of you.
34
35You seem so much mine, how could you love any one else, & yet I want
36you to marry. No one would be so glad as I dear, if anything beautiful
37came to you. If ever you have a little child you must get your wife to
38call her after me!
39
40Please keep the 40 pounds if Unwin gives them you, that are over after
41you have taken your ten. I want to give them to Alice Cothorn. I live
42so simply here, I never seem to need anything, & as the Browns have
43lost all their money I shall have to pay for there ^her^ education now:
44I shall get the money some how. I am sitting in my big quiet room in
45my little cottage. I went a long ride, ten miles on a unreadable a
46horse this evening in the dark & have just come back.
47
48[page/s missing]
49
Notation
The ‘American matter’ referred to concerns the Brown Brothers edition of Dreams. Draznin’s (1992) version of this letter is in some respects different from our transcription. Cronwright-Schreiner’s (1924) extract is incorrect in various ways.