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2
3I don’t write to you about myself because I never think of my own life
4I break down. When a thing is painful you must forget it. I made a
5great mistake in not seeing Mr Pearson even in in the distance before
6I left. I spent all the last days waiting in the rain before
7University College hoping to catch a glimps of his as he passed, but I
8didn’t. I felt so when my father died. For six months I agonized, &
9when once I had saved up money & gone to that white grave stone at
10Balfour & looked at it I was perfectly ^quiet^ have never been otherwise
11when I think of him since.
12
13I wish you would send me a prescription for opium pills like those ^two^
14you sent me at Alassio last year. Dr Philpot gave me a prescription
15for pills to take at my period pure opium, but whether the opium here
16I had I dont know it simply rather excites me than
17
18^soothes me. Olive^
19
20I don’t think over much of your theories about genius – though they
21are true so far as they go. Once God Almighty said “I will produce a
22self ^working^ automatic ?machinery for f enduring suffering, which
23shall be capable of the largest amount of suffering in a given space,
24& he made woman; but he wasn’t satisfied that he reached the highest
25point of perfection so he made a man of genius; he was satisfied yet,
26so he com-bined the two - & made a woman of genius - & he was
27satisfied! That’s the real theory. – But in the end he sold himself
28because the machinery he’d constructed, to endure
29
30^suffering could enjoy bliss too.^
31
32OS.
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