1 …I have no news to give you; have seen no one & heard nothing but
2what is in the papers. This I felt I must get out of my room or
3something would happen to me; so, in fog and warm sweating misty rain,
4I went to Edgware Road, and from Orchard Street got a bus that goes to
5Hampstead. It was close & stuffy but at least I was out of my room.
6When I got out at Hampstead to change into the bus coming back, I saw
7a little hunchback man with an old concertina, with the saddest most
8suffering blue eyes I have ever seen. He limped away & then my bus
9came. I was just feeling such a stick in my heart because I had not
10given him something (just to make him happy & feel someone cared for
11him) when in he climbed into the bus & sat opposite me. Such a pitiful
12little deformed figure with such dear sad eyes. I gave him a shilling
13& his whole face lit up, & then we talked. In addition to his
14deformity, he has chronic bronchitis, I said “It takes so long dying,
15 That’s the worst of it.” He lives in Islington by himself in a
16little room, he says, I wish now that I had asked him for his address.
17He’s about 40 I should say. Well, that’s not very interesting, but
18it’s all I have…
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20 Oh, I must tell you the one beautiful thing that has happened to me. A
21beautiful dream I had three nights ago. Perhaps you’ll think it
22ridiculous, but it’s made me happy ever since when I can remember. I
23was in a dark West English field with great elm trees growing about, &
24I was feeling very weak, & suddenly a little brown horse trotted up to
25me & rubbed his head against my shoulder & neighed with affection; and
26when I’d walked a little I dropped down with a terrible attack of
27angina (I expect I did have a real attack in my sleep & that was what
28made the dream so vivid). As I lay on the grass a little yellow &
29black cow came towards me with her head down & her long horns, & I
30thought she was going to poke me or trample on me. But when she came
31up she knelt down beside me & licked me, & rubbed my left arm her face
32& horns against my left arm where I have the great pain. It seemed to
33me that for quite a long time she was kneeling there by me, & I felt
34her dear head against me. I was so happy when I woke, it seemed as if
35I had been in heaven. I have longed so during the last months just
36once to feel happy again, & now I am happy whenever I remember that
37dream. It was only a dream, but I had the sensation of happiness which
38I would have had if it were real. It comes to me every time I remember
39that dear head pressing against my arm…
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